Mary*, 31, says that she also binge-swipes for a week and then puts dating apps on the back burner as soon as she starts to get busy with “real life.” Mary used to be cautious and thoughtful with her right swipes, but eventually that changed.“After dating a few men off the apps, you realize their profile doesn't really matter,” she explains. Aren’t the guys with the funniest profiles always the fastest to fuck you over?You’re doing the least amount of work, but secretly expecting the most.
“Who they say they are isn't indicative of who they really are. Now I swipe like a guy — fast and furiously.” Mary says that for her, dating apps are a pure numbers game.
The goal is to get as many likes and matches as possible, and of course, the more you swipe, the higher those odds. “To me, I feel like [swiping has] become like a second job.
I swipe because I feel like I have to, and then I stop before actually meeting up.
I’ve jokingly called this behavior “obligaswiping,” because it’s inspired by an obligation to prove to myself that I’m “putting myself out there.” Really, I just want the cheap and easy route: a bunch of matches with hot guys I could “totally date if I wanted to” but who I don’t care enough about to follow through.
But even in those circumstances, I almost never make the effort to meet up.” She acknowledges that her obligaswiping is often motivated by the need for validation. For all her matches, Meara says she bails almost every single time. “What if the person I have created in my head is better than the person in the physical form? "I'd rather end things completely than get excited only to be let down and annoyed.” Sometimes, a streak of competitiveness can also inspire obligaswiping.
She estimates that out of 100 matches, she'll talk and make plans with about 35 of them, bail on a bunch, and only wind up meeting with one of them. A 2016 Pew Research Study poll showed that a whopping one third of dating app users had never actually met anyone in person. Joe, 26, says that among other reasons, he swipes out of pressure when he sees an ex moving on.“When I first started using dating apps, any date I got asked on I followed through with.But since none of them actually developed into something, I started to lose some faith," she explains.In my experience, on the rare chance I do make plans, the odds are pretty high that I’ll cancel, or they will.I never feel disappointment if I’m the one getting flaked on, but more of a “phew, glad the onus was on them and This brings us to a catch-22 at the root of obligaswiping and dating app fatigue.One time, Joe's ex (who he’s on friendly terms with) mentioned she was taking a date to Joe’s friend’s restaurant.