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Disclaimer alert: You might not like what I’m about to say if you’re someone who is, um, e-x-t-r-e-m-e-l-y uncomfortable with the whole dating process. But dating shouldn’t unleash rabid insecurities; if it does, it’s a sign that you haven’t done your part in dealing with your issues so that you can put them to bed for good.

Yeah, if you’re trying to star in the year’s summer blockbuster, you probably need to be a 9 or 10, no doubt.

But most daters are looking for someone normal – and within a normal range of beauty, intelligence, and so forth.

People who like dating – or, at least, don’t hate it – have a self-esteem where they see themselves as an overall composite of characteristics.

The dating liker thinks to herself, ‘No, I’m not Gwyneth Paltrow-thin or Sofia Vergara-beautiful, but I’ve got a good job, I’m funny, and I know how to have a good time.’ The goal is to see yourself as having characteristics that attract others, characteristics which make you attractive overall as a person.

The truth, however, is that disliking or even hating dating is a sign that you have some sort of mental block that is getting in the way of you having a good experience dating. While it’s normal to have some minor insecurities and anxieties, dating shouldn’t be an awful experience.

True, dating ushers in all sorts of unknowns: Will he be funny? If it’s awful for you, it means that it’s high time for a mental shift. From a rational, bird’s eye view, being attractive isn’t just about appearance.

That attitude is the attitude that not only gets phone numbers – but gets suitors to call you back again and again.

In a nutshell, it’s a person’s personality that keeps someone interested; physical appearance merely attracts their eye in the beginning or keeps them interested for a few weeks.

A little ‘cocky’ never hurt, so feel free to think, ‘I know I’m worth it, and that – I never second-guess.’ is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, Psychology Today blogger, and TV guest expert.