We’re socially conditioned to think frustration breeds desire, and our own biology helps reinforce this belief.
Olly*, a 25-year-old graphic designer, was on the train home after a date with Jen, the 24-year-old media planner he’d met on Tinder a few weeks before. Not even because he wanted to wait another day to play it cool.It was their first meet-up and there’d been a flirty spark on both sides: the ‘quick drink’ had graduated into dinner, and even in Olly’s last-minute scramble to jump on the train home, he had leaned in for a kiss against the train’s doors. “I saw an opportunity,” he admits, somewhat cowardly.Fact is, most ladies won’t be that into you, but being assertive and confident means they at least might be.” The rules around making and breaking connections are vague and fluid.But by continuing to communicate – fearlessly, bravely and honestly – you will always be the stronger party in the power battle.With a recent study by two online dating sites** finding that men believe a woman should text first – while women believe a man should text first – it’s no wonder that communication has become a battle.
Reclaiming your hand While Olly may have convinced himself he’d ‘won’ by leaving Jen in a contact-less state of limbo, if you work on the concept of ‘followers’, he’d just lost one very influential one.
We glance at our phone every 30 seconds in hopes of a text, or a call from our date, and grow impatient by their radio silence. In retrospect, if we were genuinely interested in our date, why didn’t we text first? In reality, it takes only seconds or minutes to text or call someone, even for the busiest professional.
Self-doubt creeps in, and we ask: We finally hear from our love interest three days later, and get the coveted second date for Saturday. So, why do we play mind games, even when we’re romantically attracted to the person?
Evan*, 29, withholds communication to claw back gender superiority.
“In almost every social scenario, women have their pick of men,” he explains.
Some men have decided this is unfair – despite the fact they’re causing it – and engage in games to gain power again.